{"id":673,"date":"2016-02-18T11:31:17","date_gmt":"2016-02-18T11:31:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/?p=673"},"modified":"2022-05-30T15:41:25","modified_gmt":"2022-05-30T15:41:25","slug":"make-your-dialogue-more-effective","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/articles\/make-your-dialogue-more-effective","title":{"rendered":"Make Your Dialogue More Effective"},"content":{"rendered":"

I walked into the local Starbuck\u2019s for my customary morning\u00a0doppio<\/em>. Sipping standing, I eavesdropped on two teenagers\u2019 conversation.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd he was like\u2014hey, well\u2014you know, um, just wouldn\u2019t say.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s always reminded me of, like, a guy I\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, and he\u2019s been\u2014well, you know. Whew! And he just wouldn\u2019t\u00a0say<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe didn\u2019t get it?<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout the prom.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That\u2019s real, authentic dialogue. Would it work well in a novel? Heaven forbid!<\/p>\n

When you sit down to write a dialogue passage, your goal is to construct the\u00a0illusion<\/em>\u00a0of speech. Yet, you\u2019re faced with the \u201cums\u201d and \u201clikes,\u201d the sudden changes in topic, the chatter as speakers try unsuccessfully to pin down the subject. Worst of all, what about those unneeded words? Put all that into your novel\u2019s dialogue and you\u2019re dead in the water.<\/p>\n

Here are some tips to avoid this trap and turn dialogue into lively entertainment.<\/p>\n

Use as Few Words as Possible<\/h2>\n

Consider this exchange regarding a billiard match between a Count Greffi and a young man named Frederic.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Should we play or are you too tired, Frederic?” the Count asked.<\/p>\n

“I’m not really tired, Count Greffi. I said that for a joke. Sometimes I joke when I shouldn\u2019t. Say\u2026 what handicap will you give me?”<\/p>\n

The Count picked up a cue, held it up and checked to see that it wasn\u2019t twisted. He thought about the song from\u00a0The Mikado<\/em>, about twisted cues and elliptical billiard balls. He studied Frederic. \u201cFrederic, have you been playing very much?”<\/p>\n

“Actually, no, none at all,” Frederic replied.<\/p>\n

“You play very well. Ten points in a hundred?” His angled glance suggested he had an advantage.<\/p>\n

“You flatter me, Count,” Frederic said.<\/p>\n

“Fifteen points in a hundred?” Count Greffi suggested.<\/p>\n

“That would be fine but you will beat me,” Frederic replied.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Getting tired yet? This wordy exchange is based on a far more precise one from Hemingway\u2019s\u00a0A Farewell to Arms<\/em>. Here is how the master of brevity handled the challenge.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Should we play or are you too tired?”<\/p>\n

“I’m not really tired. I said that for a joke. What handicap will you give me?”<\/p>\n

“Have you been playing very much?”<\/p>\n

“None at all.”<\/p>\n

“You play very well. Ten points in a hundred?”<\/p>\n

“You flatter me.”<\/p>\n

“Fifteen?”<\/p>\n

“That would be fine but you will beat me.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Study the two versions. Notice in the Hemingway original how he stripped away all but the most essential words, with no asides whatsoever. Also, since the dialogue participants were identified earlier, such brief exchanges went ahead without the usual \u201che said,\u201d \u201cshe said\u201d insertions. That makes reading go even quicker.<\/p>\n

Make such economies integral not only to your dialogue, but also to your entire novel. Never forget, attention spans are growing ever shorter and readers\u2019 patience wears increasingly thin. Think of Twitter with its 140-character limit. Take a hard look at your own dialogue and prose. Look for opportunities to trim. Be merciless. \u00a0Your readers will thank you\u2014and keep reading.<\/p>\n

Make Your Dialogue Interesting<\/h2>\n

First, consider this exchange:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s on the menu?\u201d Jim asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe usual. Big Mac, Quarter Pounder, fries,\u201d Amanda said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI always like a Big Mac.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI like the salad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI guess we should each order what we want.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

No high drama here. No reader interest, either. Let\u2019s recast this a little with some\u00a0conflict<\/em>\u00a0and\u00a0livelier wording<\/em>, keys to brightening the dialogue horizon.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe you dragged me to McDonald\u2019s again!\u201d Amanda said.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, there\u2019s lots of good stuff to eat here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. Big Macs and Quarter Pounders\u2014death in disguise!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetter than that rabbit food you nibble on,\u201d Jim said.<\/p>\n

\u201cI plan to live on more than 10 years. I want the salad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBig Mac for me. Grease is good for the soul.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Why is this version better fiction? First, each character is demonstrated as having different tastes, a source of conflict. Second, the words characterize the speakers, Amanda going the cautious health route, Jim being more of a risk taker. Possibly this conflict will be resolved as the novel unfolds.<\/p>\n

The issue of lively wording\u2014\u201cdeath in disguise\u201d\u2014is not only a part of effective dialogue. It should be the centerpiece of your prose. Always look for the telling phrase and the most vivid wording as you struggle through the writing task. Dodge all platitudes in favor of original expressions.<\/p>\n

Where Dialogue Belongs<\/h2>\n

Have you noticed that writing dialogue is far easier than handling expository passages? Do not give in to the temptation to overuse this fiction component. If you \u201cover-dialogue,\u201d you upset the balance of your novel. Test your dialogue passages against this short list of purposes:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Advancing the plot.<\/em>\u00a0Write dialogue that extends the storyline, provides tension and suspense, exposes motives, clarifies goals, and heightens or lessens characters\u2019 determination.<\/li>\n
  • Helping to describe characters.<\/em>\u00a0Speaking characters can be revealing characters when they provide personal information\u2014a former relationship, a past misfortune or a lifelong goal. Dialogue also is very useful for heightening insight into a character\u2019s motivation.<\/li>\n
  • Sliding in dry details.\u00a0<\/em>Here\u2019s the chance to work in bits needed to understand the plot. These might include important facts about a character\u2019s early years, past relationship and social and physical environment. One caveat: don\u2019t let characters share information that\u2019s already known!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Line Length<\/h2>\n

    While no writer wants to bore the reader, it can still happen. One way of doing so is to write dialogue lines of roughly the same length. This hypnotic cadence is guaranteed to put readers to sleep. For example, read this:<\/p>\n

    \u201cIt\u2019s getting late,\u201d Amanda said.<\/p>\n

    \u201cDidn\u2019t watch the time,\u201d Jim replied.<\/p>\n

    \u201cTime for bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cA little early.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cI don\u2019t think so,\u201d Amanda said.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Big yawn! Much more effective dialogue might run like this:<\/p>\n

    \u201cIt\u2019s getting late,\u201d Amanda said.<\/p>\n

    \u201cNight\u2019s been sneaking up on us. I think it\u2019s the time change,\u201d Jim said. \u00a0\u201cCircadian rhythms and all that.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cOh?\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cYeah, we\u2019re all sort of wired like a motherboard on a 24-hour cycle\u2014plants, animals, fungi and even some bacteria.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Amanda stared at him.<\/p>\n

    \u201cWe\u2019re all like on the Great Wheel. Studies show\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

    \u201cTime for bed. Too much\u00a0talking.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cYou\u2019re twisting my arm. It\u2019s still a little early according to\u00a0my<\/em>\u00a0circadian clock.\u201d<\/p>\n

    \u201cYour \u2018clock\u2019 is a crock,\u201d Amanda said.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    See how the varying line length keeps the reader alert? And so does starting and stopping the conversation with a single word or a silent beat…<\/p>\n

    Putting it All Together<\/h2>\n

    That\u2019s what it takes to improve dialogue. Cut out unneeded words, make it lively with conflict and imaginative phrasing, use it where it belongs, and mind your line length. Your readers will show their appreciation by wolfing down your words.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"template":"","categories":[10,11],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/articles\/673"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/articles"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/articles"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/675"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/refiction.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}